No Mercy: Art-World Wrestling Federation Open Champ...

Apr 2001

performance wrestling event organized by Germaine Koh & Phil Klygo

[excerpt] PRESS RELEASE
No Mercy:  the Art-World Wrestling Federation Open Championships

On Friday, April 6 [2001], Mercer Union raises funds by hosting No Mercy: the Art-World Wrestling Federation Open Championships (AWWFOC). Six exciting greco-roman bouts will determine champions in the AWWF Tallboy and Stubby Divisions, and another seven action-packed exhibition matches will showcase a selection of the most infamous art-wrestlers, both human and otherwise. Lucha-rockers The Blue Demons provide live music throughout the evening.

Vying for the AWWF Tallboy title are Mitch Robertson, Gordon Hatt, Gordon Hicks, and "Dirty Sandy" Plotnikoff; while Will Munro, Gwen MacGregor, Tracey Thompson, and Kelly McCray compete for the AWWF Stubby championship. AWWF title belts have been designed by Ingrid Z., Anitra Hamilton and Sean McClure.

Exhibition matches include a glittery duel between Benny Nemerofsky Ramsay and Luis "The Scary Finger" Jacob; a women's boxing bout; and a macha grrrl grudge match pitting Cecilia Berkovic and Chantal Rousseau against Simone Moir and Germaine Koh. Also, The Parkdale Wrestler defends his Parkdale Championship Wrestling title against challenger El Gorilla Loco, and pro wrestler Scott "Thundr" McEwan takes on local legend Mister Entertainment. Other featured fighters include Miss Barbrafisch and Paul "Grease Monkey" Petro. The non-human contingent is completed by The Thompson Twins, who have devolved from groundhogs into even more ferocious beings; The Wolfman; and a special appearance by some of the Ontario College of Art and Design's Sumo Robots.

Ring announcers Andrew Harwood and R.M. Vaughan host the evening; Referee Andrew Paterson will ensure fair play while custodian "Phil 'er up" Klygo keeps things clean; and AWWF Judges Barr Gilmore, Si Si Penaloza and Sheila Dietrich will rule over all.

In the same space at 35 Lisgar Street, a one-night exhibition will feature wrestling-themed artwork by Karen Azoulay, Michael Barker, Stacey Case, Eliza Griffiths, Scott McEwan, Benny Nemerofsky Ramsay, Paul P., Adrienne Reynolds, Jordan Sonnenberg, Ingrid Z., and others.

No Mercy is a phlip+gerk production.


PROGRAM TEXT

No Mercy: The Art-World Wrestling Federation Open Championships
a fundraiser for Mercer Union
Friday, April 6, 2001
35 Lisgar Street, Toronto

10:00 pm  ELIMINATION ROUND
1.
Tallboy Division Elimination Match
Mitch "the gentleman" Robertson vs Sire of Sam
  Mitch "the gentleman" Robertson: High-school champ in the early 90s, Mitch retired his macho wrestling image in his late teens to pursue the life of an artist and a gentleman. With both his art career and status in high society showing poor returns, Mitch has made his vengence known by putting out an open challenge to all in the wrestling ring. This gentleman is 26 years old, 6 ft 5 inches, weighing 13 stone. Cammomile the cat is his grappling partner.
  Sire of Sam is a father devoted to discipline.
2.
Tallboy Division Elimination Match
dirty plotnikoff vs Mighty Gherkin Boy
  dirty plotnikoff:  5 ft 8 in, 150 lb.
  Mighty Gherkin Boy: Brine over Brawn! Started green in 1989, now cool as a cucumber. At his finest when in a pickle. Defeated the famous Strub Kosher in 1999. Weight: eleven stone six. IQ: four slug two. Also known as the Hicks Pickle.
3.
Who Let Them Out of the Cage?
grease monkey vs The Thompson Twins
  grease monkey says: "Takin' some time out from under da ‘hood./ Gonna beat beat beat the Thompson meat good."
  The Thompson Twins are Beef Top Thompson and Bag Foot Thompson. Rumour has it that they have devolved from groundhogs into something more ferocious.
**
Music set by The Blue Demons
**
10:45 pm  ELIMINATION ROUND
4.
Stubby Division Elimination Match
Conga la Bonga vs Commando McCray
  Conga la Bonga: Hailing from Rio de Janiero, Conga has a reputation for cheating to win. She drives her opponents to distraction by obsessively videotaping their every move.
  Commando McCray:  Born on a British military base in Germany, he has triumphed aesthetically on every known military base in the Western hemisphere. Best known for the Commando Manoeuvre, in which military personnel are forced to crochet army helmets out of jock straps. Weight: when all geared up, very heavy. Trained in Field and Bush Operations by the likes of Duke, Buddy and Sam.
5.
Stubby Division Elimination Match
Miss Barbrafisch vs Will Munro
  Miss Barbrafisch: Professional Dominatrix, hostess of CKLN's "Satan Takes A Holiday", afficionada of meat-based art, "Vaseline" DJ and reigning Ms Toronto Leather, Miss Barbrafisch also wrestles professionally, with an undefeated record at the Toronto Women's Wrestling Club. Voted "Most Trendy" in her Grade 13 graduating class yearbook, she was once barred from the Boom Boom Room's "Dyke Night" for brawling and leaving a girl laying under a urinal in the men's room. Miss Barbrafisch's entourage includes her slave, beth, AKA Dartha Vader the Watergirl.
  Will Munro plans to make some new underwear for this event. Scouts from Unilever will be present to make sure he's not using any Vaseline(TM).
6.
Sumo Robot Demonstration
Featuring some of the best competitors from the Ontario College of Art and Design's 10th annual Sumo Robot Challenge.
**
Music set by The Blue Demons
** 
11:30 pm  EXHIBITION MATCHES
7.
Tag-Team in the Schoolyard
Chiquitas LoLitas vs The Chemical Sisters
  Chiquitas LoLitas:  Sister Christian and Chan-tell-the-truth have one confession to make: they smoke in the boys room.
  The Chemical Sisters:  Polly Sporin and Koh Deen vow, "We'll give those LoLitas some pain to manage!"
8.
Parkdale Championship Wrestling Title Fight -- Greco Roman Handicap Match
The Parkdale Wrestler vs El Gorilla Loco
  The Parkdale Wrestler, a.k.a. The Crusher, is the reigning PCW champion. Hailing from Parkdale, Canada, his favoured hold is the Flying Buttsplash. Vital statistics: neck: 24 in; chest: 46 in; fist: 18 in. "I look forward to crushing that mangy gorilla's head like a grape at our title fight on April 6! The gorilla thinks that his Greco Roman Wrestling training will win him the bout -- ha ha ha! It'll never happen! Arriba!"
  El Gorilla Loco, PCW's number-two-ranked wrester, is the pride of Guanajuato, Mexico. Vital statistics: neck: 32 in; chest: 60 in; fist: 23 in. His special move is The Gorilla Stomp. "The Parkdale Wrestler's going to be in traction by the time I'm done with him. My stunning grappling abilities, combined with the ring savvy of my new manager The Hated Sheik, guarantee that the new PCW Heavyweight Champion on April 6 will be El Gorilla Loco!"
9.
Two-round Women's Boxing Bout
10.
International Men of Mystery Match
"Thundr" McEwan vs Mister Entertainment
  "Thundr"  is a fearsome natural force.
  Mister Entertainment:  the undisputed (and uncontested) king of chair-wrestling.
**
Music set by The Blue Demons
**
12:30 am  CHAMPIONSHIPS
11.
AWWF Tallboy Division Title Match
Winners of Tallboy elimination matches
12.
AWWF Stubby Division Title Match
Winners of Stubby elimination matches
Presentation of The People's Champion Belt
**
Music set by The Blue Demons

ROVING BRAWLERS
  The Scary Finger:  Born on the desert coast of Peru, he is the most misunderstood of all wrestlers. The Scary Finger fights for good, not evil; he believes in pleasure AND pain. He uses octopus-like holds on his opponents before unfurling his enigmatic digit. We do not know the full powers of his finger, because no one has lived to tell. It is rumoured to extend from any place on his body to a length of over 16 inches -- a fatal natural weapon.
  Drunken MacDonald:  Drunken MacDonald is a Toronto-based artist/musician from Hartland, New Brunswick. Recent projects include writing/playing for the silent film Dichterliebe and performing with pop-band Mantler. Succinctly analyzing his drunken wrestling style, he says, "I don't puke while wrestling if that's a concern."
  The Wolfman:  Normally this wrestler, prone to taking "hairy fits," is a good-natured music writer for Toronto's Spill magazine. However, a little adversity and a lot of rock n' roll unleashes the beast within. He keeps in shape by chasing field mice and taking down live caribou. Also adheres to impeccable hygiene by orally bathing himself thrice daily. Height: 5 ft 8 in (when not hunched over); weight: 185 lb. He favours a submission hold he has so articulately named the "No can breathe, no can scream!"

RINGSIDE OFFICIALS
Mistresses of Ceremony:  Rhonda & Vanda Hart
AWWF Referees:  Reginald Rulebook, Sissy Ritchie
AWWF Judges:  Wide Load, Colour Barr, Sonny D
Card Girl / Timekeeper:  BOSSY GIRL
Custodians:  "Phil 'er up" Klygo, The Germinator
DJs:  dj homewrecka, DJMK / Michael Klein
Band:  The Blue Demons

ARTWORK
AWWF Championship belts:
  Anitra Hamilton, "Championship Pelt"
  Sean McClure, "Twister"
  Ingrid Z., "Prize Winning Pig"
Exhibition:
  Karen Azoulay, "Wendy Richter, the Rock 'n' Roll connection," mixed media
  Stacey Case, silkscreened posters and T-shirts
  Scott McEwan, "Dream Jobber Boys," drawings
  Paul P., "Boys in Masks," watercolours
  Adrienne Reynolds, "Pretty Little Hate Balls," mixed media
  Carolyn Rowney, "Blocks," acrylic and collage on wood
  Jordan Sonnenberg, "HOODS," found T-shirts
  TERMPERMETTLE, "The Dance," sculpture
  Ingrid Z., "skin compositions in purple, yellow and blue," paintings
AWWF T-shirts and logos by Jay Wilson
Program design by Cecilia Berkovic

CREDITS
To all the participants, ¡muchas gracias! Thanks also to Mercer's volunteers, to Janet Bambrick for the mats and to Medallion Properties for use of the space. Mercer Union thanks The Canada Council for the Arts, Ontario Arts Council, Toronto Arts Council, and The Trillium Foundation.

phlip+gerk productions

Reviews, Articles & Essays: Phill Feltham with Victor Penney, Broken Pencil, 2001.

Germaine Koh, Art World Wrestling Federation Open Championships logo designed by Jay Wilson, 2001,